Handy Man
by Dajun - Shinespark
Summary: Robots don't think, Robots don't feel. Robots simply do. But when a robot must perform outside of its preprogrammed parameters with no human help, how well does it fare? And just how long can it be expected to keep working? Oneshot, please R&R.


**Handy Man**

Author's note: Fallout 3 is owned by Bethesda Softworks, 'I don't want to set the world on fire' is owned by The Ink Dots and the poem 'There Will Come Soft Rains' is owned by Sara Teasdale. The following is based on an actuall location in the Capital Wasteland; feel free to visit the McClellan Family Townhome in Georgetown.**  
**

_This is George. He's a manager at SuperDuper Mart, and he needs a new security guard. This is John. He's a doctor and he needs a new assistant. And this is Marcy, she's a lovely lady who simply needs someone to help her around the house. What do all these people have in common, you ask? Why it's simple, my friend; they came up with the same solution. Introducing Mr Handy, General Atomics International's revolutionary new robotic product. Equipped with our latest line of nuclear fission technology, Mr Handy can perform over two hundred separate tasks in just one day without having to recharge. And he still have enough time to read the kids a bedtime story. So whether it's security, technical services, or just being a good friend, Mr Handy does it all. All this for just $199,999! So what are you waiting for? Buy yours today!_

Day 1

Everything seemed rather quiet today, which was just as well considering how noisy it was the day before. Robots aren't supposed to complain, it simply isn't part of their programming. But even so, Jenson, the McClellan family's personal Mr Handy, could not help but sum up his entire vocabulary for any and all distasteful descriptions at just how messy the house have become after just one day of racket. Sure, the shock wave didn't help by any means, but was it really necessary for Mr McClellan to start smashing things up right afterwards? No, no one cared how much work a robot would have to do to clean up a human's mess, just as long as the robot does it. That's all that mattered. Still, Jenson couldn't help but notice a definite increase in radiation inside the house, particularly near the outer walls. Exactly how this happened and the exact consequences were beyond him, after all he was programmed to be a butler, not a doctor or scientist. Those tasks were for the fancy R-73 models; those wastes of good metal who think so highly of themselves. But even Jenson could tell that such radiation levels would probably be a bit distracting for his human masters. Maybe an increased ration of vegetables would solve this problem for now...

Day 6

It was hard to tell exactly, but as far as Jenson could work out, Mr McClellan have finally calmed down a bit. He was no longer yelling at Mrs McClellan nor was he causing any more mess. Sure, he still insulted Jenson on a regular basis, calling him a waste of money, but the man had been doing that ever since the robot was purchased, so there was no change there. Strangely enough, the kids have also been quieter than normal. Why, only the other week, they would have been jumping up and down on the sofa and leaving graffiti on Jenson's body panels; something about impending doom. Obviously the only correct way of dealing with such juvenile behavior would have been a stern telling off, but that no longer seemed necessary for the time being. In fact, the majority of the time, the kids have simply stayed in bed; Jenson didn't even need to read them a bedtime story. Perhaps it would be better for Mrs McClellan to call for little Susan next door; they do love to play together. Speaking of playing, the family dog, Muffy, is starting to get irritable. It's always barking and scratching at the door, plus that green ooze coming out of its mouth is frigging difficult to clean off the carpets.

Day 12

Food rations are getting low as well as many other essential supplies; Jenson was down to his last vacuum cleaner bag only the other day. Tensions have risen yet again between Mr and Mrs McClellan, the causes of which were a mystery to the robot; after all, human psychology was just another one of those optional extras that Mr McClellan never purchased, stating that it was another waste of money. As such, Jenson couldn't care less why they argued so much recently, although as far as he could work out, it always revolved around 'the bomb' and how Mr McClellan couldn't stand being inside the house anymore. This particular problem puzzled Jenson, since he couldn't understand why the man simply doesn't go outside. Perhaps the radiation level is on the high side out there, but that was just another thing about humans the robot couldn't fathom. What's so bad about radiation anyway? The worst they ever seemed to do to Jenson was cause annoying interference to his radio uplink with the factory he was built in, and as far as he knew, humans didn't have such an uplink with their mother's wombs. Nonetheless, Jenson have decided that first thing in the morning, he would have to go to the grocer's despite Mrs McClellan's protests; humans doesn't last long without food, that's something Jenson _did_ know about.

Day 13

The outside world seemed somewhat different today as Jenson traversed what looked like a whole different neighborhood. For a start, he could've sworn that pile of rubble where the Smith family's house used to reside wasn't there the last time the robot did some shopping. Furthermore, he knew for a fact that he washed the McClellan's car three weeks ago and they haven't traveled much in it since. So why on Earth did it turn into a flattened wreck? Did it always have a rust colored paint job? As far as Jenson could remember, it was supposed to be blue. Further down the street, the robot came to the familiar sight of the local grocery shop, guarded by none other than Frank. It's a common belief that during spare times, robots would communicate or 'chat' among each other, even if they were of completely different models and makes. For instance, whenever Jenson greeted Frank, who was actually an inferior Protectron model, as part of his standard courtesy programming, onlookers would later describe them as having complicated and in depth discussions regarding unknown topics, maybe the works of Shakespear. But no, Frank simply didn't have the capacity to even know who Shakespear was, let alone have any thoughtful input on the matter. In fact, all he ever seemed to do was to either reply to customer's greetings or to tell them the shop is closed. That was certainly what he told Jenson today; the shop is closed until further notice. This seemed to be a bit of a setback considering how the McClellans were now eating deviled eggs and dandy apples for dinner, but since this was the only store within reach of the Mr Handy unit, Jenson had no choice but to return to the town home. Perhaps tomorrow the shop would be open for business.

Week 3

Mr McClellan have left the house. After much tension within the family, the man have decided that enough is enough; he had to go and search for food. This particular decision, while noble, made no sense to Jenson. After all, the robot tried again and again to convince his master that he could happily make their remaining supplies last another whole month just as long as every member of the family took the proper rations of three table spoons of InstaMash per day. For some reason, no one in the family took notice of this suggestion. But after much debating, Mrs McClellan have reassured the children that this was for the best and that their father will return to them shortly. To make sure that he remained protected, Mr McClellan have decided to take Muffy with him, which was just as well since that little mongrel have become increasingly difficult to walk ever since the last time it puked all over the living room. In the mean time, Mrs McClellan have informed Jenson that they have to conserve what little electricity they had left in the house by storing and conserving any remaining fission batteries they could find, which included those on Jenson himself. Fortunately, this didn't actually involve shutting the robot down, but it did mean that he would have to erase some of his 'unnecessary' functions to hopefully allow for longer times between recharges. This didn't seem too unreasonable; the ability to tell badly written jokes never felt like a necessity in the first place.

Month 1

Mrs McClellan have been, for the last couple of days, slowly transforming into a female version of Mr McClellan. That is to say that she have exhibited similar levels of frustration and rage, particularly towards Jenson. The exact cause of this was unknown, but the slight embarrassment of Jenson using up some of their last supply of water to wipe the windows might have had something to do with it. The children, meanwhile, were getting even quieter, if that was possible. Just the other day, they spent over twenty four hours straight sleeping and didn't even come down for food. And when they did finally get up, they behaved almost like the zombies in those cheap horror flicks they once loved to watch. Exactly how he should treat this is way too complicated to Jenson; he did try to reassure Mrs McClellan that he could request an software update from the factory regarding medical expertise, but truth was he haven't had contact from them since a month ago. The exact fate of Mr McClellan could also be attributed for this sudden increase in aggression from an otherwise docile woman. For several nights now, Jenson have been instructed to wait outside the house in the hopes that he could see the man somewhere, trying to get back home. But so far, there have beeb no such luck. In an attempt to comfort Mrs McClellen, Jenson even tried to ask Frank to keep an eye out for him, after all that bucket of bolts spent everyday standing outside the still closed store except for recharges. But whenever he was asked for any sight of the man, Frank's only reply was to seek information from the manager, leading Jenson to believe that the Protectron wouldn't even know what Mr McClellen looked like if he was standing right in front of him. And there was still no way of gaining access to the shop. Jenson have pleaded time and time again for Frank to at least let him inside to see what the problem was, but those old Protectrons were well known for their stubbornness. He would just have to come back another day.

Month 1, week 2

It would seem that Mrs McClellan have finally had enough; she left to find Mr McClellan earlier in the day. This was for the best, as far as Jenson was concerned, since the departure of two adults would result in higher rations for the two children in the house. But he was getting slightly concerned; logic dictates that if Mr McClellan haven't returned in all this time, then surely Mrs McClellan would face a similar fate. Of course, Jenson, being the robotic butler/bodyguard of the house, offered to search for Mr McClellan instead, but considering how he required a recharge on a daily basis, the radius of his search would barely cover half the town. Therefore it was decided that the lady of the house would do so instead, and unlike the last time one of the family left for supplies, Mrs McClellan specifically promised to return once a week regardless if she found her husband or not. Despite this, Jenson still had his doubts, which was strange considering he was a robot and therefore should never doubt the decisions of his masters. So now that both human adults were no longer present in the house, the robot had effectively become the home's 'owner' in the sense that he now had the full responsibility for the well being of the children, who were now on average spending five days per week in bed. In the meantime, further cuts to his programming were required to keep him going. Just the other day, Jenson deleted his ability to make purified water, since it was no longer necessary now that they couldn't any water from the taps to purify in the first place. Ironically, he was starting to regret doing that after remembering that he could gain access to the drains outside directly...

Month 2

Slight internal bug today in two forms. One, Jenson accidentally deleted his ability to clean the house, a skill he was once rather proud of, due to a bug in his systems. Two, the living room have become infested with what appeared to be massive cockroaches. The last time Jenson could recall seeing a cockroach in the house, Mr McClellan swiftly solved the crisis with the sole of his shoe. The robot wasn't sure that the same could be applied to roaches the size of house cats. Still, a relatively swift burst of flames from his blowtorch attachment seemed to the job, even if that meant scorching some of the room's décor. But then again, the state of the interior decorations was hardly the most pressing matter. In the meantime, Jenson had discovered some good news; because the children were now eating so little, his predicted time for how long their supplies would last had been extended by another month. Surely by then, the shop would be open for business again...

Month 4

Yet another bug in the system caused Jenson to delete some of his short term memory, including how long it had been since Mrs McClellan left the house. He couldn't quite remember if she came back to visit this week like she promised, but as far as he could tell, she definitely came back the week before. Maybe. Regardless, Jenson's daily routines continued, including going to the shops yet again, only this time he was rather shocked that it was closed. Or was it closed the day before as well? It was getting difficult to recall; maintenance never felt so urgent.

Month 7

A whole series of bugs today, but this time mostly down to the computer terminal designed to let users program specific tasks into Jenson's memory. This particular fault resulted in the robot remaining in hibernation mode for two weeks straight, which caused him some significant worry; he still had to check if the shop was open this time. Yet more disturbing was just how many more tasks he had deleted, willingly or otherwise. The most crucial system among them was his life-sign detector; and though he informed the children of the situation and urged them to let him know if they happened to die, he still kept his motion-sensor on full alert in a bid to make up for this important loss. To make matters worse, Frank was no longer standing at his post, rather laying on his post in several pieces. Exactly what caused this was unclear, but at least the Protectron could still speak, assuring Jenson yet again that the shop is still closed.

Minus year 234

Over half of Jenson's systems have become unusable, and his memory problems were extending to his long term archives. Just the other day, he could've sworn that the date was December 16th 1952, only to realise that it would be snowing outside if it really was December, so he simply readjusted his internal clocks to July 21st 1952.

Year 3

Frank have finally been silenced after what must have been a difficult week for the poor robot. Under normal circumstances, Jenson would've decided to simply barge into the shop and demand to know what has happened, but rather ironically, the system designed for him to take initiatives have shut down on the same day. Some would say that he never had any initiatives to begin with, but he would beg to differ; once, Mrs McClellen only told him to scrub the toilet, but he then took the initiative to scrub the bath tub as well. Those were good days. Or did that happen the other way round? Either way, it was still a good day. By now, the children have turned into what appeared to be Halloween decorations; their skin barely held onto their bones. But Jenson wasn't worried; after all, the last time he checked, they were positively bouncing up and down, or at least that's what his memory banks told him. Even adults would need to lie down for a day or two after that much exercise. In the meantime, his systems informed him that he had less than ten out of his original two hundred systems left operational. In many ways, it has turned into a bit of a game for him; just what system should he keep? Walking the family dog seemed fairly important, considering how dear it meant to Mr McClellen. On the other hand, feeding the children seemed redundant considering how they apparently ate just a few hours ago. Besides, they were surely old enough to feed themselves by now; it's been over ten years since Mrs McClellen left. In the meantime, he simply decided to operate remaining daily routines based on his previous experiences; last time he went to the shops, his internal memory indicated that he paused outside the door for a few moments and then simply returned home. So that's what he would do.

Year 56

It's been a while since Jenson had a chance to move around the house. The bug that caused his long hibernation periods have returned and he wasn't about to stop his responsibilities because of it. Only a few days ago, he discovered a poem buried deep in his 'junk' memory, just waiting to be deleted. It sounded somewhat amusing, so out of impulse, he kept it. Perhaps it would make an interesting bed time story for the kids.

Year 90

RaTHeR StraNGE thING happened 2dAY... vocaBUlary systems MIGHT hvE been deleted OUT of ImpLuse... ERROR, CONTACT ADMIN. DESTROY ALL HUMANS. Jenson always did want to say that for a laugh... can robots even do that? He wasn't sure anymore...

Year 157

Error, INTERNAL STABLISERS OFFLINE. CONtaCt GENERAL ATOMICS immediately. Error code 558 recorded. WARNING, Logic arrays offline. Rebooting unit.

Year ?

FACTORY RESET ACTIVATED. HELLO, MY NAME IS JENSON, HOW MAY I SERVE YOU, MASTER?

Year $!£

Playing last record: I don't want to set the world on fire...

Year 000

Terminal activated, initiating start up sequence. Warning, unidentified personnel detected, initiate combat sequence... error, combat sequence damaged. Initiate secondary function: read bedtime story. Processing:

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,  
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;  
And frogs in the pool singing at night,  
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;  
Robins will wear their feathery fire,  
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;  
And not one will know of the war, not one  
Will care at last when it is done.  
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,  
If mankind perished utterly;  
And Spring herself when she woke at dawn  
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

Initiate daily routine: pick up grocery. Note, unidentified personnel stealing owner's property. Respond... error, tracking systems disabled. Tertiary function activated: walk 'Muffy'. Processing... WARNING, 'Muffy' radiation levels rising. 'Muffy' life signs – NA. 'Muffy' motion – 0. DANGER, owner property damaged. ENGAGE TARGET. ENGAGE TARGET. ENGAGE...

00000000000000000000000000

WEAPONS DAMAGED. SYSTEMS SHUTTING DOWN. UNIT SHUTTING DOWN. General Atomics International would like to apologise for this inconvenience. Please order a replacement unit as soon as possible. Thank you and have lovely day.


End file.
